Where the streets have no name

Nothing can describe it. Chaos, pollution and incessant horns - you may want to stay inside your comfortable air-conditioned bubble, or stay away from Indian roads altogether. Here are the actors you would miss in the incredible theatre that is Indian traffic.

Cars - There are many exotic species in India, some unique to this jungle. Tata motors now make the world’s cheapest car for under 1

000 USD. My personal favorite is the Ambassador. Hindustan Motors continue to assemble this classic car almost exactly the same way it has been made for 50 years.

Rickshawed (v): to be denied a fair price for goods or services while traveling, as part of a two-class price system.

Motorbikes - The Honda Hero is the most popular, while the legendary Royal Enfield is the most iconic. It seems almost everyone has a bike in India. In America, you drive mini van or SUV for your 2.5-kid family, whereas in much of Asi

a a scooter is the way forward. Here’s how this usually works - the dad steers the bike with the eldest child between his legs while the mom sits sideways off the back with the youngest child on her lap. Women, children and Seikhs are not required to wear a helmet - of course rules of the road aren’t even suggestions here anyway.

The median means nothing. Many cars even take the wrong side of major highways for as long as they like.

It’s best to wear a thick skin in the city. But renting a scooter in the countryside is a great way to see villages for yourself. We drove from village to village in Goa for only 3 dollars per bike. Be sure to make a pit stop at the corner shop for a bottle of Thumbs Up cola with the kids.

The rules of the road are made up as you go. Two golden rules are: 1) Every man for himself, 2) Blow your horn constantly to let people know you are coming through.

Rickshaw - Tuk tuk drivers are the tobacco chewing, spitting, cowboys of chaotic roads. Ask them your questions since they know the streets like the back of their hands. You'll see scorpion chewing tobacco wrappers are scattered everywhere, sprinkled with spit stains from paan and chewing tobacco. Drivers often fold or cross their legs calmly. Meanwhile you are probably being shaken around in the back of their tin can while inhaling truck fumes and holding on tight. It’s all part of the experience.

Taxis - In India taxi and tuktuk drivers all refuse to use their meters. When you see the locals hand over a few rupee coins, tourists insult drivers when they ask to pay anything less a handful of notes. In Goa, the drivers ignore warning instructions printed in their own cab to offer a fair rate. Instead they are happy to sit around in groups chatting for half the day if they can rip off just one or two tourists to pay a full day‘s swage. (I suppose they do save money on gas...) It was refreshing to visit Mumbai where prices are advertised and taxi drivers use their meters.

In China cars are king. Pedestrians have no right of way. In India, cows are king and they seem to know it.

Busses - On local transport, public busses slowly leave town, yelling out the window in hopes of getting every last customer until the bus is overflowing. Private busses are more comfortable but far more stressful since the drivers will have you on the edge of your seat. Journeys are a continuous high speed chase, overtaking by just a few centimeters and playing 'chicken' with oncoming trucks. I would suggest passing up bus travel for rail. Trains are exactly like the films. No windows, jail-cell bars, overcrowded, and people often make a running leap to get on. Luckily there are two things you don’t see in the films - upper class air conditioned cars often saved for families or tourists, and excellent food vendors serving delicious samosas, etc.